Embassy of Heaven

Permanency of Marriage


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Change of heart

The Lord sent a messenger to Rachel telling her to return to her family:

When my oldest daughter was 3 years old, I fell victim to the disease of wanting to leave my husband. When I expressed discontent and aggravation over his faults, my so called "friends" recommended divorce. They fed my ego saying, "You don't need to put up with this man. You deserve a better life."

I became confused and nursed a desire to leave my husband and child and start a new life. One day I packed a suitcase and left home. As I was leaving, my husband said, "If you decide to come back, come quickly before it is too late. If you come back, it is forever. I know we are going to have difficulties. It is going to take us awhile to get our house in order. But I know if we work at it, we will succeed."

As I traveled toward the beach, I quickly forgot my husband's words. An exhilarating feeling swept over me. I was leaving all my annoying problems. I had been set free. By the time I arrived at a motel, my mind was made up to start a new life as a single woman. I scarcely considered my responsibilities to my little girl and husband. I was caught up in dreams of making a new career for myself.

The next afternoon, I went into the motel sauna to relax and unwind. A mother with seven children in tow, joined me. I told her I was starting a new life and had left my daughter and husband behind. The woman on the bench beside me did not share my enthusiasm. A sad look came over her countenance.

"You remind me of myself about five years ago. I, too, left my husband. Now I have married another man and between us we are raising these seven children. Many are the days I long to be with my original husband. I believe we could have worked out our problems, but we gave up. Now I have a new set of problems, and, of course, some of the old problems have resurfaced. I realize I only exchanged one set of problems for another. I did not solve anything. Now my life is even more complex because of the juggling involved in meeting the needs of two families."

She advised me to go back to my husband and child and work things out. "Start over again with a new attitude. Believe that your loved ones are doing the best they know how and if they knew how to do better, they would. Don't be suspicious of their motives, but trust them. God has given you a family to love and care for, and that is where your responsibility lies."

I took this woman's advice and drove home. I have thanked God many times for sending this angel.

When I returned, my husband and I sat down and recommitted ourselves to each other. This time, we truly made a lifetime commitment - for better or worse. We will not even consider divorce. We are sticking it out until death do us part.

Attitude makes such a difference. Much of my problem was perceiving evil intent on the part of my husband. I misinterpreted his motives and made false assumptions, instead of asking him directly what he was doing. I failed to trust him.

We resolved to dedicate at least one hour each day talking over our concerns. When weather permits, we hike outdoors as we talk. Each of us are allowed to speak what is on our mind, without interruption. Our purpose is to help each other, not to make accusations. Gradually, our communication has improved. With this approach, little annoyances are nipped in the bud before they grow into crises. I praise God for having built the loving relationship we now have and encourage others not to give up.

You can change things if you will just change your attitude.

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